I have something that I need to share about me.It is a deep emotional scar that I have.it all stemmed from an incident.I alluded to it on Tracy's site in a comment I made.The problem is that I do not know how to talk about it with out the pain coming back to me.
It is in my nightmares. it is something that happened to me when my Dad flew off the handle before he got all the information.
Here goes nothing. one summer day we were out at my cousin's house,for a summer outing.Keith and I were playing with a balsa wood glider,throwing it back and forth to each outer.When a gust of wind propelled it to the top of the roof where it dangled partially on and partially over the edge of the roof.
I went into the garage and grabbed a strip of wood that you use between paneling that you put up on walls.I used that to knock the plane off the roof.what I did not count on that because it was so flexible.the strip curled backwards striking my sister in the mouth.She went running and crying into the house that I had hit her.Which I did technically.My Dad flew in to a rage and gave me a real bad beating including shoving me into the storm door that was closed in the breezeway.The glass broke cutting my arm slightly,than Dad pushed me into the car and screamed at me not to leave the car. Mean while my cousin was trying to tell every body that is was an accident,and how it happened.
My mom and Aunt came to the car and took me into the house to clean up my arm.fortunately it was just a couple of scrapes that were not too bad once they were cleaned up. needless to say the scene replays in my head every once and a while of being beaten and shoved into glass door until it opened and the glass broke and than being thrown into the red and white colored 1960 Oldsmobile super 88 4 door sedan,that was the family car at the time. I have felt ashamed that this happened to me,and did not share it with too many people until now.I have shared this with every Psych doctor that I have had ever since I was in the air force.
Welcome to my blog. I post things that I feel must be said. I will post Prayer Requests when I find them. I will try to do my best to be a good blogger and will try to not step on too many toes. May God bless all that visit with me.THE BLOG IS THE SAME ONLY THE NAME WAS CHANGED,TO PROTECT THE SILLINESS! (With a Nod To Dragnet)
CLEVELAND SKYLINE
BORN HERE RAISED HERE AND MOST LIKELY WILL PASS AWAY AND BE BURIED HERE AS WELL.
San Francisco Skyline
I've been in my own boat sitting out in this water looking at this view. Awesome!-Sandee. This is a Tip of The Hat to Sandee, my Co-Author and blog wizard.
Monday, March 30, 2009
23 comments:
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Oh the stories I could tell about my childhood. I always wondered if I was going to die before I grew up. I so relate to your story. I don't think it left any scars on me for some reason. I guess I somehow dealt with these issues in my early adulthood. Some parents though.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that this has happened to you Mike.
Have a great day. Big hug. :)
Mike - I'm so sorry that you had to go through this and are still dealing with it. I don't think you should be ashamed of it - it wasn't your fault. I think it's good that you are sharing it, it may help you move beyind it.
ReplyDeleteHi Mike~
ReplyDeleteHow sweet that you feel you have come to a point where you can share this with the world. I am no expert, but think it is part of the healing process, and hope that it means you can finally put it behind you.
We all have things in our past that haunt us, for whatever reason. I hope that someday this incident can be chalked up as something that is what it is...a bad memory from your past.
God Bless, Mike. {hugs}
You should not feel ashamed. It was an accident. Perhaps you should talk about it with people close to you so that these nightmares stop.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
Ana
There is no reason to feel ashamed this happened, you were a child, and it is not your fault. It is someone else's anger, pain, etc taken out on you and it shouldn't have been. Those memories are there, they can haunt, but don't allow them to take a deep root. It steals away something we can't get back, but it is a way that some people, and you, learn compassion for others. Sending a hug.It's not your fault, and you didn't intend harm, it's OK.
ReplyDeleteMike, wow! All these years without being able to tell the truth. I am so very sorry that you have lived with this! I do hope it will be easier for you now just a bit to share it here. Much appreciate you honesty dear one. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteMike Thank you for sharing this. I know that it took a lot for you to write about this. It is amazing how one moment in time can scar the soul for a life time. ((Mike)) Hugs my friend. I feel blessed we are blogger friends.
ReplyDeletemike...i am sorry for this painful memory you carry. the mind is incredible...how it holds on to a moment as this forever, but you are unable to recall what you had for dinner last Thursday night.
ReplyDeleteI've been in the care of shrinks (no disrespect intended) in the past. I have heard all about 'letting go of the past', yet still...I believe many of us own haunting memories. For whatever reason, they are ours to keep.
I am sorry.
~AM
Oh Mike,
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling of shame oh too well in my life.
I too was beat as a child and carried around guilt and shame for a long long time.
But, it's good that you were able to write this down and share with us.
Maybe now you can lay down the shame and guilt as they do not belong to you.
Rather to your father, who most likely acted out of ignorance more than anything.
I look back at some of things my parents did to me and I realize that they truly didn't have a depth of understanding of what I would suffer for the rest of my life.
I am so sorry that you too have this terrible memory and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Big hugs for you Mike!!
~Jackie:-)
Dear Mike!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how just reading my sister's latest post has gotten us to think about some of the things that we just can't seem to forget about. I too have some issues that linger with me from time to time. Someday I hope we all will be able to release and forget about the terrible things that have in countered in our lives! Thank you for sharing this story with us. I'm sorry that this has happen to you and I too would have been traumatize by something like that happened to me. I also wanted to thank you for coming by my blog and commenting on it :) It was nice to hear from you again :) :) I plan on posting another post soon, maybe today since I am off of work ~lol~ we'll see! Hope that you and your family are doing good? Take Care My Long Lost Blogger Friend!!!! (((((MIKE)))))
Do not be ashamed of this!
ReplyDeleteIt's unfortunate that it happened, and probably made you scared and sad and angry and hurt all at the same time. Parents don't always make the best decisions. All of us at times have probably said or done something out of anger that we regret.
For you, it's a painful memory but it also can be released for good any time you are ready. And if you aren't ready then just let it come up when it does and then move on to think of something else.
Have a good day!
A trouble shared is a trouble halved Mike. I think everyone has something in their past they'd rather bury so it takes courage to tell someone about it. I had something in my past that would make me physically sweat if it came to the forefront of my mind. I eventually told my husband after we'd been married 20 years and it doesn't make me sweat any more.
ReplyDeleteMike, I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. I don't think you should ever feel ashamed but I can understand how that stays with you forever.....it's something that as children gets ingrained in our minds and hearts.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sandra
Sandee,so am I,but my dad had an explosive temper when we were kids.He finally got in under control and something like this never happed again.
ReplyDeleteMari,I hope that it will just stop haunting me in m dreams.I have moved past this some what.I do not think I will ever be over it.I have been in therepy most of my adult life.
Grandy,It would be if my sub concus would just revisiting it.
Ana,I have and it just will not go away.As a realtor,I was the listing agent for that house,and when it sold I thought that it being gone from the family that the insident would finally be out of my head.No such luck.It is one of those emotional scars that never goes away.
Stephany,this happend some 35 or so years ago.no matter how much I talk about it it never goes away completely.
Just Be real,I have shared this with all the different therepists that I have had off and on since since I was in the 8th grade.
Tracy,I did this to show otheres that they are not alone with what they are going thru as well.I hope that some day this will forever stop haunting me.
AirmanMom,you are right,sometimes these just will not leave for what ever reason.
Shinade,thank you for sharing what you have said as well.and yes unfortunaly we all have a skeliton in our closet that will never leave as much as we want them to.
Hopefuls,thanks for stopping by.hugs my friend.
ChystalChick,for the most part this does not bother as much as it used to.now every now and than I relive it in my sleep.
Akelamalu,I told this to my wife Celestine long ago,for the most part this does not bug me any more like it used to.
Yes, I understand it will never go away completely. Painful memories like those are ones we often wish we could erase, and over time if we don't talk about them, i think they worsen to a degree in our minds. You aren't alone in carrying memories like this one. Maybe that can give some peace. Hope your day is a good one today.
ReplyDeleteMike,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you had to go through this. It is not right for a child to have to be hurt for any reason, but for an accident is so uncalled for. The scars of childhood affect us so long. I know how abuse can mess up a life. Sending you hugs.
I'm so sorry you carry this with you. We are all just human, parents included. The mistakes we make raising our children really can have a lasting impact. I worry that I will do something wrong that my kids will carry with them later.
ReplyDeleteYou are an awfully good man. The goal is to overcome those hurts and you seem to have done that.
Sandra,you are so right.Thanks for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,that is something that I have streven for for years.the dark side of me does come out at times,but for the most part I strive to be a good hearted person.
Hey Mike, I don't know if you saw my comment earlier. I didn't see you comment on it. Hope you are feeling well today.
ReplyDeleteDo me a favor...send me an email at grandybug@gmail.com. I wonder if I might be able to feature you in an upcoming Sunday Spotlight.
Thanks so much for the difference you make every day. :)
Checking in on you this day Mike! Blessings to you dear one!
ReplyDeleteGrandy,I thought that I did comment one your comment,Oh well my bad.
ReplyDeleteJust be real I'm doing ok.
Mike,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you were hurting and I didn't realize it. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You had no intention of hurting your sister. Accidents happen all the time and your father should have asked for an explanation. Even then, he shouldn't have beaten you or shoved you into a storm door. The shame is on him, not you.
I know these things are hard to let go. I will pray that this painful memory haunts you no more. Give it over to the Lord. He can and will take care of it.
Praying for you, my friend.
Blessings,
Mary
Mary,thank you for those kind words and prayers.
ReplyDelete